


i sleep naked

by uniquelylarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 12:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2191869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uniquelylarry/pseuds/uniquelylarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"you look hot."</p>
<p>harry jumped, pulling the water bottle off of his face and whipping around to see louis tomlinson.</p>
<p>he was wearing his usual tanktop, but his hair was sweaty and messy and his eyes were a sparkling blue and there was a goofy smile on his face.</p>
<p>harry blushed at louis' compliment, staring at his boots that he had already grown to like.</p>
<p>"why don't you always wear that. i mean, you don't even look hot. you look beauti-"</p>
<p>"hey! louis, you know someone is in your bed right now?"</p>
<p>never had harry been so mad at niall in his life. he sent him a glare that probably made him look constipated, but he didn't care.</p>
<p>louis almost called him beautiful.</p>
<p>and now his heart was melting and his hands were shaking and he couldn't stop smiling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

"please tell me you're not looking at him again."

"i'm not," harry sighed, blinking and turning towards the blonde boy walking next to him. the hallway was incredibly crowded, so every time he took a step a shoulder would bump into him.

"you know, it's really weird that you have a crush on my stepbrother."

"i don't have a crush on him, niall. i wasn't even thinking about him before you brought him up," harry lied. but he couldn't help but take one more glance at the shorter boy dressed in a white tanktop and black skinnies, topped off with black vans.

"i didn't even say his name and you knew who i was talking about," niall pointed out, rolling his eyes, but he was smiling.

sometimes niall confused harry. he never could make up his mind over whether or not he agreed with harry's major crush.

the bell rang, and it seemed as if the whole hallway cleared up in a second.

"shoot, i'm late," harry mumbled, dragging his black high top converse to the next class. niall called a quick good bye before heading off in the other direction.

the teacher didn't seem to notice his late arrival, which he was extremely grateful for. he already had enough trouble in maths, a bad relationship with the teacher would just make it worse. so he hunched over and walked to his desk, sliding into a seat with a deep sigh.

"hey mate." harry jumped at the deep voice in his ear, and whipped his head quickly to the left.

"oh," harry said, relieved, when he realized it was his friend zayn speaking to him. "hi zayn."

and then zayn leaned in closer, and harry wanted him to stop because the teacher was talking and he didn't want to get in trouble. but he didn't say that.

"you going to niall's after school?" zayn whispered, and harry nodded quickly.

"it's friday. course."

"good."

the rest of the class was spent staring at the confusing equations on the board and trying to find how it all made sense. but no matter how much he contemplated, he couldn't understand it.

he let out a sigh of relief as the bell rang for dismissal, and it seemed everybody agreed as they made similar noises.

harry smiled at zayn as they walked out of the classroom and into the busy hallway. it smelled of sweat and hairspray, and harry scrunched up his nose. "it smells in here," he frowned.

zayn nodded in agreement but didn't say anything, and harry looked away as he maneuvered his way through bodies that were almost all shorter than him.

but then he was frozen as he looked up ahead and saw the boy with shaggy brown hair and a slight frown as he walked.

louis.

"what're you doing man? niall is waiting for us."

of course he was. niall's last class was at the very front of the school, which meant he was always the first one waiting at the end of the day. harry was extremely jealous, as he had to walk forever until he finally got into the fresh air.

and that thought almost, almost distracted him from the fact that louis was coming closer, his blue eyes trained straight ahead and his books held in one arm by his waist, in a loose way that was very different than harry's. harry held his to his chest tightly, as he was very bad about getting bumped into and he didn't want to drop his stuff.

louis looked extremely bored but also beautiful, and harry could feel his face heating up as they walked by him, and ducked his head so his curls were covering his face when louis slightly bumped into him.

"sorry," he whispered, but louis couldn't hear him, instead he rolled his eyes at the younger boy and strided away.

"that was rude," zayn noted, but harry ignored him, and instead trained his eyes on his locker.

"hurry," zayn groaned as harry struggled to stuff his many books into his backpack, and harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

because harry wasn't mean. that was probably his main goal in high school. to be nice to everyone, no matter what they did. so he bit his tongue as zayn continued to say impatient words.

"almost done." his voice came out soft, and he was surprised zayn could hear him.

he finally swung his backpack over one shoulder and gently closed his locker door. it annoyed him terribly when people slammed their doors, because it was pointless and it gave him a headache.

zayn didn't seem to think the same way, as he had earlier slammed it so hard that harry could feel his locker door shaking.

"done," harry smiled softly at zayn. besides niall, zayn was his best friend. although his impatience and occasional door slamming, he was a good person. it seemed niall and zayn were the only people in this school that cared about him, but that was enough.

"okay, let's go!" zayn grinned, bumping his shoulder into harry's and laughing a bit as they walked quickly to the front doors of the high school.

they finally arrived at niall's car. he always drove them on friday's, because they always went to his house.

harry, per usual, was the most excited. going to niall's meant seeing louis.

louis was niall's stepbrother, and he was two years older than all of them. harry knew he didn't have a chance with louis, first because while louis was a senior he was a sophomore.

another reason was louis' small hatred towards him and zayn.

niall still apologised to the two of them for louis' cruelness, and harry always pretended it was okay, even though it wasn't.

harry knew louis could be nice. he sometimes watched him at lunch, eating with his only friend, liam, and he noticed how he always was smiling brightly and laughing and talking.

he wondered why liam was the only person louis tolerated. (well, besides niall.)

niall was confused why harry liked louis, because he was so mean to him. harry didn't know himself. something about his feminine features and loud laugh, and his joking attitude whenever he talked to niall, caused his stomach to get butterflies.

"harry, get in the car you twat," niall teased, looking at harry through the window.

the curly boy jumped, blinking a bit before realizing he was, indeed, standing by the car like an idiot, and he needed to get in.

"sorry," harry said sheepishly, climbing into the backseat.

zayn and harry always rotated the front seat every friday. today was zayn's turn, and harry didn't mind. he needed to think a bit, because he always needed to think before seeing louis. that was why he was so caught off guard when they bumped into each other in the hallway.

harry partially listened to zayn and niall's conversation about why girls should be allowed to wear shorts to school. he honestly didn't care, which he knew his friends would understand. they knew he was gay.

he hadn't exactly came out, but he wasn't hiding it either. in sixth grade, when the three boys became friends, they had asked him and he hadn't hesitated to tell them that yes, he was gay.

they had completely accepted him, which harry was extremely grateful for.

so now, while they continued to rant about the 'has to be past your knees' policy, harry pushed his earbuds in his ears and let himself bob his head to the soothing music.

his mum had found it weird that ever since harry was a kid, he had insisted on listening to classical music, and harry thought it was odd as well.

but he didn't mind. if he had to deal with the horrible music taste of this generation, so be it. as long as he had the violins and flutes to relax him, it was fine.

"we're here!" zayn screeched, and harry slowly pulled his earbuds out as they pulled into niall's endlessly long driveway.

niall's parents were extremely rich, as one was a doctor and the other a plastic surgeon. harry couldn't help but be a bit jealous, because his house was small and average just like everyone else's.

niall laughed as zayn rambled on about what they were going to do, and harry smiled along.

this was why he loved his friends. they accepted that talking wasn't his thing, and they still always tried to make him feel included.

he had to give himself credit though. he was a good listener.

the talking between the two never seemed to end as they strolled up the stairs of the house and into niall's large room. harry commented on things a few times, and niall always seemed to laugh like it was the funniest thing in the world, which harry liked about the blonde boy.

"louis, we're home!" niall called, cracking his door slightly, and harry leaned forward to listen to louis' voice from where he was sitting on niall's bed.

"don't be loud, and tell your friends not to speak to me!" louis called back.

and even though what louis said was mean, harry couldn't help but smile foolishly and stare at the ground at louis' high, sweet voice that he had growned to love.

"what're you smiling 'bout, h?" zayn nudged his knee, and harry shot his head up.

"nothing."

"you sound so believable," zayn teased. "really, why are you giving that signature harry smile that we so rarely see?"

it was true. harry did smile, but it was rare that he did a real, large smile where he showed his teeth and his eyes crinkled up at the sides.

because, although harry was a nice, happy person, he wasn't particulary... content. there seemed to be something missing from his life. he loved his friends, but that was it. his sister gemma was away at college and his mum seemed to never be home.

and although it was selfish, harry wanted somebody who would pay attention to him, and only him.

he just didn't know who.

so harry decided not to answer zayn, instead raised his eyebrows and said, "i will never tell you."

he expected zayn to continue and bug him about it, but zayn just winked and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

harry glanced around the room and realized that niall was missing.

"hey zayn, where's niall?" harry asked, slipping his backpack off his shoulders and plopping it on the floor.

"probably went to go get some snacks," zayn chuckled, and harry leaned forward to look at his phone screen.

he was playing 2048, a game that still confused harry. he didn't understand why it was so enjoyable. it had something to do with math, and he hated math.

zayn was right about niall, as a few seconds later niall came in with a bag of chips in one hand and three mountain dews in the other.

"give me one of those!" zayn laughed, throwing his phone down and holding his hands out.

it was a lousy toss from niall, and the mountain dew instead spiraled through the hair and hit harry right in the head.

"oh my god, harry i'm so sorry!" niall rushed, covering his mouth with his hands, but harry could seem him giggle a bit.

"s'not funny," harry whined, rubbing the side of his head and wincing a bit.

"it kinda is," zayn cut in, and harry glared at him.

"no it"s not!"

and then zayn opened his mouth to speak when the door swung open, and harry stared blushing like an idiot because it was louis, and he was now shirtless, his tank top probably on the floor of his room.

"what's up lou?" niall asked, gently placing the bag of chips on his bed before turning back to the shorter boy.

"mum's not gonna be home for dinner, so i'm supposed to ask you guys what kinda pizza you want," he sighed, and harry frowned when he pointedly looked at him with a glare on his face.

"and don't say cheese," louis rolled his eyes at the curly boy just as harry opened his mouth. zayn had already requested pepperoni along with niall.

and harry sat there with his mouth wide open, because louis was talking to him. it was a rarity for his attention to be on the curly boy, and when it was harry always turned into a blushing mess.

"uh, uhm," harry stuttered. "anything you want."

"well, i wanted pepperoni, but we're getting two pizzas and i want you to choose the second one."

apparently what louis had said there was too nice as he looked away with his cheeks flushed, biting his lip in a way that made harry squirm.

"cheese?" harry squeaked, ready to facepalm, but then louis laughed.

and it was the most musical, beautiful sound harry had ever heard.

"did i not just tell you not to say cheese?" and louis voice sounded teasing, and harry didn't know what to do.

"uhm, i guess, if you-"

"okay, fine! i'll order cheese." louis' smile wasn't on his face anymore, as if realizing his mistake of teasing around with harry.

then he left, and harry looked at his hands and tried not to grin.

because even though louis had been mean to him, he had also been nice.

it was a start.

***


	2. two

all the boys ended up falling asleep on the floor, covered by random blankets that were strewn across niall's room.

zayn nor niall found it odd that harry stripped off all his clothes once he was hidden by the blanket, instead rolled their eyes fondly and layed their heads on their pillow. harry blushed a bit, and he was embarrassed, but he wasn't going to stop. clothes restrained him in his sleep; he could never fall asleep when he was wearing them.

niall turned off the lamp with a sigh, and suddenly it was completely dark.

so he cowered furthur into the blankets, until his head was the only thing showing. the room was black and quiet now, and all harry could hear was the soft breathing of his friends. so he let that relaxing rhythm echo in his mind until his thoughts ceased and he drifted into sleep.

***

"wake u-"

harry's eyes flew open as he felt a sudden coldness all over his body. his hands automatically moved between his legs and he cringed against the light.

"oh my god, i'm so sorry, oh my god."

and then the situation got so much worse, because that was a voice that harry would never mistaken. a high, raspy voice that seemed to always be on his mind lately.

once he had finally adjusted to the light, he realized that louis was still standing there, mouth wide open, staring.

"i... i sleep naked," harry mumbled, embarrassed.

"this isn't even your house!" louis said, but harry's heart leaped when he started laughing.

"i'm sorry, but why are you still-"

"oh," louis shook his head, but didn't move.

"are you just going to sit here?" harry blushed, reaching over to grab the blankets.

louis bit his lip, and harry swore that his eyes scanned over his chest for a few seconds, and then the shorter boy whipped around and stumbled out of the room.

***

when harry went back to school on monday, something felt different.

and it wasn't that the gym was getting remodeled, nor was it the fact that zayn hadn't been there to pick him up this morning. (he had swimming practices really early in the morning before school, starting today)

it could've been that niall was sick, but harry just felt that wasn't it.

and then his confusion was suddenly answered.

louis was walking in front of him, wearing his signature black skinnies and white tank top, along with his worn out pair of black vans.

harry loved that louis wore the same thing every day. niall said that he had seven pairs of each thing he wore, and that made harry laugh.

but seeing louis wasn't the unusual thing. often, harry would secretly follow him and hide behind bodies, sometimes stopping to listen to louis discuss his weekend with liam. he knew it was creepy, but he didn't care.

this time, louis was slowing down. and he was walking next to harry, and harry suddenly couldn't breathe.

he decided to not say anything about the odd situation. instead, he clutched his books tighter to his chest and continued walking, and he hoped louis couldn't hear his racing heart. he was afraid he would drop his books because he was shaking so bad.

louis didn't speak either, just walked next to him in silence, and it wasn't awkward because the quiet was filled by the shouts and laughs of their classmates.

harry tried not to be obvious when looking at louis. his hair was pushed across his forehead in a way that said "i didn't fix it, but it still looks perfect." it was shaggy in the back, and harry blushed as images of running his hands through louis' hair flashed through his mind.

they finally arrived at louis' locker, and harry sighed in a mix of relief and sadness when louis glanced at him, his blue eyes glowing brighter than ever, and turned to face his locker.

he must've stood their awkwardly for about ten seconds before blinking and rushing down the hallway a few strides to where his locker was.

and if he wasn't mistaken, he heard louis chuckle a bit.

and then there was a little smile on harry's face, and he stared at the ground and bit his lip to hide it.

"you have a beautiful smile."

and harry jumped, shooting his head up to see louis, but just as quickly as he was there..

he was gone.

***

"he called you beautiful?" niall stared at harry in disbelief.

he had returned to school on thursday, after a horrible case of the stomach flu followed by a cold.

and that whole time, harry was waiting in anticipation to tell the blonde boy what happened on monday.

"he didn't call me beautiful, he called my smile beautiful."

"still" niall said suspiciously. "i think my brother likes y-"

he was cut off by a rough force bumping into harry, and niall's eyes widened. harry stumbled and looked to see who it was. and it was a blue eyed boy in a white tank top, and he felt his heart drop.

"sorry," louis shrugged, and harry's breath caught in his throat. "watch where you're walking." and then he was glaring at him, and harry suddenly felt like crying as he stalked away.

"well it seemed like he liked you," niall sighed. "he is so confusing!"

harry nodded in agreement. that was very true, and he was probably the most confused out of everyone.

he stepped into his class just as the bell rang, and he breathed in the relaxing smell of chemicals and paint.

he was in art, his favorite class.

"hi harry."

harry smiled at her voice.

"hi eleanor." he sat down in the chair next to the brunette girl. her hair was fixed in a messy ponytail and she had a soft layer of makeup. harry thought she was beautiful, but he would never think about dating her.

"you actually came to class on time," she teased, bumping harry's shoulder with hers. he chuckled a bit and pulled a pencil out of his binder.

"i'm always on time," he said sarcastically, and eleanor opened her mouth to respond when the teacher interrupted from the front of the classroom.

"today, we're working on the hair of our portraits. i hope you have a picture of the person you're drawing with you, because it's hard to get it down unless you have a visual to help you. same with the eyes.

harry leaned closer and examined the eyes he had drawn. it looked quite nice, although the pencil could never bring out the vibrant color.

with that, he sharpened his pencil and placed the point on the paper, closing his eyes and letting each stroke draw itself.

he didn't need a picture. he had already memorized it all.

and when he finally fully opened his eyes, he smiled happily.

the perfect shagginess.

he could see the boy in the drawing clearly now, although it was just eyes, a face shape, and hair. he added a few hairs to brush into louis' eyes the way it always did.

that was one of harry's favorite things about louis. his hair. and his eyes.

"that's really good," eleanor commented, squinting her eyes and nodding as she looked over harry's paper.

"can you guess who it is?" harry asked shyly, and lowered his voice in case someone could hear him.

"uhm.. i recognize him. i just can't think of who it is!" eleanor groaned, slapping her forehead.

"it's looks exactly like him." harry blushed, realizing he had complimented himself.

"is it... oh! louis tomlinson!"

"shhh!" harry hissed, widening his eyes and covering eleanor's mouth with his hand.

she glared and ripped his hand off of her lips. "get you're large hand off of me. and harry, everybody knows you have a crush on that boy, just letting you know."

harry frowned. "nuh uh. i only have told zayn and niall."

"and? doesn't mean we don't know. you literally stare at him during every passing period."

"do not!"

eleanor raised her eyebrows, and harry stuck his tongue out at her.

"did you know that you have perfect teeth?" she asked, and harry raised an eyebrow ath the random question.

"not really.. they're not perfect.."

"harry, all you have to do is smile and louis will love you."

"already tried that," harry mumbled, shading a few strands of louis' hair darker.

***

and the rest of harry's day was uneventful. he tried not to look at louis' locker for the rest of the day, because apparently people did notice those things.

did louis notice?

did he know that harry was totally in love with him?

hopefully not.

he sighed deeply as he finally walked out of school. everybody hated mondays, but personally he hated thursdays. not because anything bad happened, but because you were waiting for friday and that wait was so slow.

"see you actually got clothes on now."

harry jumped at the voice behind him, whipping around and feeling his backpack slide a bit down his shoulders.

"why wouldn't i?" he murmured, feeling his cheeks burn.

"because you don't sleep with them."

and his voice was teasing, but harry didn't know if he was trying to be nice or not.

"what do you want?" he stumbled over his words, and it seemed the older boy could notice.

"what's wrong with you?" his tone of voice sounded like he didn't care, but his words did.

"why are you so mean to me?" harry lifted his head and his breath caught when he came face to face with a vibrant shade of blue.

"because."

his breath was hot on harry's face, and it smelled like mint, and harry was trying not to smile but at the same time he was freaking out.

"because why?" the curly boy whispered.

louis pulled back, a smirk on his face that harry could not interpret the meaning of.

"i just said. because."

harry glared at him, anger and annoyance and confusion burning in his heart. and louis glared back, just as hard, and they sat their for a few minutes.

"why do you have such a huge crush on me?" louis finally spoke, his glare turning into amusement when harry blushed deeply.

"what are you talking about?" harry asked quietly, avoiding louis' intense blue eyes.

"harold it's obvious."

and harry wanted to respond, he really did, but his heart was melting and he couldn't stop smiling because louis called him harold and he said it in his perfect voice and it was really nice.

"why are you smiling like that?" louis asked, grinning, and his voice was really loud, and it caused harry to smile wider.

"i don't know," harry whispered. "but i don't have a crush on you." the smiles vanished from both their faces in a second.

"yes you do."

"no i don't."

"yes you do."

"no i don't!" harry shouted, and louis looked taken aback, pausing for a few seconds before

"that's the loudest i've ever heard you speak," he chuckled, and it was supposed to be mean, but it caused harry to giggle.

"really harry. i've never realized this, but you're so quiet."

harry didn't respond, instead stared at his hands.

"see? this is what i'm talking about!" louis rolled his eyes, and harry swore he could see him hiding a smile.

but it was probably his imagination, just like every other dream he had about louis.

"you're really mean," harry said quietly.

hurt flashed in louis' eyes for a few seconds before his amused expression reappeared.

"you need someone to be mean to you. there's something wrong with you, i'm only trying to help."

it felt like a stab in the heart. the words weren't that uncommon to hear, as many people thought he was mental in some way due to his lack of talking, but the fact that the words had escaped louis' lips made it much worse.

so he gathered himself and left, biting his lip and only letting the tears fall when he started driving away from the school.

***


	3. three

for once, harry was not looking forward to going to niall's house on friday.

he even requested they go to his house instead, but the other boys declined. harry didn't have much to do at his house, while niall had a flat screen tv and every type of gaming system there was.

so the curly lad had no choice but to get in niall's car on friday afternoon, after the bell had rang and all the students had flooded out of the school.

"c'mon h, it won't be that bad," zayn said sympathetically, climbing into the backseat while harry plopped in the front.

"yes it will!" harry cried. "he hates me! i know it!"

he knew that the boys agreed, although they didn't want to say it.

"it's going to be fun, harry. just ignore him," the blonde lad comforted, reaching over to turn on the radio, and they bobbed their heads in silence for a few minutes, until they finally pulled into niall's driveway.

"i have a bad feeling about this," harry murmured, reluctantly stepping out of the car and dragging his black converse towards the door.

niall and zayn followed behind him, each sending harry nervous looks but at the same time having a conversation.

he finally reached the large wooden door, and he turned the knob. it was locked.

"hey ni, it's locked," harry called behind him, and niall fished through his pockets for a few moments before coming up empty.

"shoot, i forgot my key," niall groaned. "just knock, louis might be in there to answer."

harry's eyes widened, but niall just nodded in encouragement.

the curly boy hesitantly hit his knuckles against the thick wood, and he cringed at the loud noise it made.

after about twenty seconds of waiting, the door swung open, and there stood louis. he was still dressed in the clothes he was wearing to school, but there was a grey beanie sitting utop his messy hair in a way that made harry's heart stop for a second.

his blue eyes stared into harry's with burning intensity, and the younger boy could faintly hear niall asking louis why he locked the door.

louis didn't answer, just stared at harry, and harry couldn't tell whether it was a mean glare or not.

he settled on nice when a small smile ghosted across louis' lips for a few moments, leaving harry a blushing mess as he walked away with a wave of his hand.

"what was that?" zayn asked in harry's ear, and harry shrugged, flustered.

and then they walked past the kitchen, and when harry heard a clattering noise, he glanced around the wall to see clearly into the dimly lit room.

louis was there, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he poured a few pills into his small hands, and harry tried to see what the pills were, but he couldn't tell from so far away.

"h, what are you doing?"

harry blinked and fled away from the doorway just as louis whipped around, and he couldn't tell whether the older boy saw him or not.

"nothing," he mumbled, his heart racing.

the two other lads made suspicious eye contact but then just shrugged, ruffling harry's curls as they pounded up the stairs towards niall's room.

and harry couldn't help but wonder: what were those pills?

"hey niall?" harry asked hesitantly as they put there backpacks on the floor of niall's room.

the blonde boy raised his head from where he was turning on the tv, a small smile on his face.

"yeah?"

and harry wanted to ask him, to ask him what medication louis was taking, but he just couldn't.

"nothing," he whispered.

niall raised an eyebrow at harry, only turning to hand zayn an xbox controller.

"you know you can ask us anything, right?" niall walked over and placed a hand on harry's shoulder, and harry again felt thankful to have such good friends.

"yeah, i know," the curly boy said, forcing a smile.

niall gave him one last curious look before sitting down in one of his huge blue bean bags. and then nobody was talking except for the occasional groan whenever zayn or niall died on the game they were playing.

to be honest, harry wasn't interested in games like that. he wanted to do something, more, fun.

which brought him back to his discontentment. he loved his friends to death, but they didn't like to do the things he did.

"i'm going to go the bathroom," harry said quietly, and his friends just nodded in acknowledgement.

he sighed, rising from his place on the floor, his knees popping. the noises of the game faded behind him as he stepped into the quiet hallway, and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second.

and he wasn't trying to be quiet as he went down the stairs. nope.

the tile was cold even through his white socks, and it send a slight shiver through harry's body.

or maybe it was the hot breath on his neck that made him shudder all over.

"what are you doing?"

"going to the restroom," harry whispered, hoping that louis didn't see the goosebumps running across his arms.

the older boy didn't respond, even when harry turned around so they were facing each other. the house was unbelievably silent, the only sound coming from the clock on the nearby wall, a gentle ticking noise that somehow relaxed harry. he squirmed uncomfortably under louis' gaze, and louis didn't smile.

instead, he pushed harry hardly.

"what makes you think you have the right to just go looking through my house?" louis sneered.

"i wasn't, i wasn't looking. i just needed to go to-"

"i know."

harry cringed back as louis leaned closer. his blue eyes were so bright, so blue that harry's mind went blank for a few seconds.

"why do you hate me so much?" harry whimpered, hugging his arms around himself and willing his tears not to fall.

his hands were shaking, shaking so much that he had to push them in his pockets in an effort to get them to stop.

louis didn't reply to harry's comment, instead answered with a question himself.

"are you scared of me?" he looked curious, and harry couldn't help but notice how long his eyelashes were.

"no," harry replied, biting his lip and looking everywhere but louis. he noticed the blue paint on the wall and the fancy chandelier hanging above there heads.

"look at me," louis said softly, so softly that harry wanted to smash his head into a wall.

not because it wasn't a beautiful sound, louis' voice. because one minute louis was yelling at him and being rude and the next it seemed like he actually cared about him.

harry finally turned back to face louis, and he felt a pang in his chest at how flawless the older boy looked. there was a bit of hair brushing his eyelashes, and his eyes fluttered a bit at the touch. and there was a bit of stubble across his chin, and his nose was like a pixie's and his features were so feminine and unique and just pretty that harry's heart pounded in want.

"you are something else," louis murmured, and harry flinched as the older boy stuck his hand out and gently ran it across his cheek.

harry's breath caught in his throat, and he didn't know what to say, and all he knew was that he didn't want louis to stop.

but the minute harry bit his lip and finally let his eyes meet louis', louis shot his hand back to his side and a frown appeared on what used to be his peaceful face.

"what's wrong?" harry asked, although he didn't want to break, well, whatever this was.

louis' frown deepened as his eyes ran across harry's face.

and since harry was very, very good at reading people, he could tell louis was sad.

he didn't know why, he wasn't that good, but the shiny, faraway look in louis' beautiful eyes was heartbreaking.

it looked like he was trapped.

"why are you staring at me?" louis growled, stepping back.

"you, you were staring at me t-"

"just finish what you said you were going to do. stop being creepy."

harry's heart shattered for what felt like the millionth time, and he stared at the ground as he walked towards his original destination.

when he finally arrived in the large, master bathroom, he sat on closed toilet seat and put his head in hands, feeling his long curls fall over the top of his fingers.

he could feel it, that rock in your chest he got when you cried, but there were no tears coming out. 

and all that escaped his lips was a whimper, but that was all that harry would allow. he bit his lip hardly until he tasted metallic.

he slowly stood up and stared in the large mirror. his lip was bleeding, his curls messy. and his eyes were shining with tears that would never allow themselves to fall.

he quickly relieved himself and stepped out into the cool, air conditoned room, turning off the bathroom light behind him and licking the bit of blood from his bottom lip.

and when he heard footsteps, he looked around for somewhere to hide.

but there wasn't anywhere.

so he braced himself for the many mood swings of louis tomlinson.

"is your lip bleeding?"

harry sighed, licking his lips once more.

"yeah," he murmured, looking up to see louis once again, this time holding a glass of water in one hand and his phone in the other.

"why aren't you in niall's room?"

"i told you. i was in the restroom. i'm going back now." harry stepped forward, trying to go around the older boy but louis just stepped back, in his way again.

"you're talking more than usual," the blue-eyed boy noted.

and harry did have to think about that. because it was true. he used to only speak a few sentences in the course of a whole day, and he had already said much more than that.

someone's paying attention to me.

the thought crossed his mind before he could stop it, and it brought a grin to his face.

"you're freaking me out, harold," louis said, but his voice was teasing and there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

someone who is terribly confusing.

harry was still pondering whether or not louis hated him.

"why am i freaking you out?" harry asked, and his voice was raspy and he hoped to god that louis liked it because he did it on purpose and if he didn't like it then that would just be embarrassing.

who was he kidding? he would never, ever be attractive. no matter how much time spent on his hair and how long he took to pick out his clothes, he would never be good looking.

nope. he didn't care if niall and zayn disagreed.

they said he was a handsome lad, and always got mad at him about his insecurities, but it was normal, wasn't it?

to think he was extremely unattractive?

he hoped so. because when he looked in the mirror, all he saw was a mess of curls and eyes that told a story that nobody could read.

and it was after he finished his long, sad thought that he realized louis was speaking.

"sorry, what was that?" harry asked, blushing.

"i said, you're freaking me out because you keep going into these trances and you keep smiling for no reason."

and he smiled again.

louis rolled his eyes, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly.

"harry? where are you?"

harry jumped at zayn's loud voice echoing down the stairs and through the room that he and louis were standing in.

"i, uhm, gotta go," harry stuttered, pointing his thumb towards the stairs.

louis nodded, and harry frowned at what he said next.

"okay? i don't care."

of course he didn't.

***


	4. four

harry woke up before his friends, who had stayed up until two in the morning while he went to bed quite early.

he yawned loudly and stretched his arms above his head. the room was surprisingly cool, a perfect temperature. he kicked the blankets off his legs and stood up, before slipping on some shorts but leaving his shirt off.

"harry?" a groggy voice called from niall's bed, and harry looked to see zayn. his eyes were bleary from sleep and his hair a mess on his head.

"yeah?" harry whispered, careful to keep his voice down so he wouldn't wake niall, who was scrunched up into a ball and emitting large snores.

"where you going?" zayn asked, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

"i was going to get a glass of water," harry lied, scratching behind his head.

"can you bring me one too?" zayn collapsed back onto the bed when harry nodded, and the curly lad shut the door quietly behind him before stepping into the silent hallway. thankfully, the floor didn't creak beneath him when he went down the stairs and into the large kitchen.

but he stopped in the doorway when he heard louis' voice and what sounded like his mum talking.

"-i'm not trying to, and i feel so bad-"

"louis, please just take the medicine they prescribed to you. what you're doing is dangerous, and you can't do it anymore."

"it's the only thing that helps."

"obviously, it doesn't help. you keep snapping at him-"

"i know, okay! you don't have to rub my problems in my face!" louis yelled, and of course harry had to slip on the wall and faceplant in the middle of the kitchen right then.

"harry?" jay asked, her voice shaky and scared.

"sorry. totally tripped," harry murmured, gathering himself and slowly standing up.

louis' eyes were wide open, as was his mouth. and harry didn't know what to do, because he was standing like a fool in the middle of a kitchen that wasn't his and he probably ruined any chances of being with the only person he had ever loved.

so he stood their, blushing and crossing his arms so each of his hands were on the opposite hip over his bare stomach.

"honey, did you, uhm, hear anything?" jay cleared her throat and looked at harry with a worried look in her eyes.

"what are you talking about?" harry asked, and it was obvious he was lying, because he was such a horrible actor.

"oh thank god," jay sighed, and harry raised an eyebrow. she believed him.

it didn't seem louis believed him though.

in fact, the older boy strode up to him and pinned him against the wall, and harry couldn't help but gasp loudly.

"louis!" jay shouted, and harry would be surprised if it didn't wake up everyone else in the house.

"what did you hear?" louis growled, placing both his hands on harry's chest and pushing him harder.

and harry couldn't help but grin, despite the situation, because louis' hands were on his chest, and they were so small and warm and soft and he didn't want him to stop.

but the thought quickly left his mind when louis pushed him further into the wall and he could feel his back throbbing from the pressure.

"stop smiling," louis spit, and harry gulped and tried to listen but then louis' was smiling too and he was gently being lowered to the floor and jay was just standing there with a confused look on her face.

"you always freaking smile and ruin everything," louis sighed, biting his lip, but it didn't conceal the little grin on his face.

"i didn't do anything," harry said quietly, his heart still racing and fear coursing through his veins.

"yes, you did. you smiled when i was trying to tell you that it's rude to eavesdrop, it really is, and i'd appreciate if you didn't do it anymore." his tone was slowly getting more angry, and harry was frantically searching through ideas on how to get him back to the playful mood that he liked.

jay seemed to know how to calm him down, as she placed an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him too her tightly.

louis closed his eyes at the touch, leaning into the mother and finally looking at her with a torn look on his face.

"i'm trying so hard," louis whispered, so quiet that harry could barely hear it.

"i know baby, i know you are."

and harry stood their awkwardly, still shirtless and flustered.

"it's, i just, harry get out," louis said, his eyes widening as he quickly pulled away from his mum.

"wha-"

"get out. now. please."

and then harry's heart broke, because louis was now whispering and there were tears in his eyes.

"please," he said softly, his face crumpling as he broke down in front of harry.

and harry wanted to leave, to listen, but his feet were frozen to the ground as he stared at the boy that he had been in love with for his whole two years at high school.

and he found himself walking towards louis, his arms spread out.

jay shook her head in warning, but harry ignored her and pulled the sobbing boy into his arms.

"it's okay," he whispered, and louis shook his head against harry's chest, choking on his tears.

"no, it's not, i," louis hiccupped, unable to get the correct words out.

"just don't talk. i'll hold you, it's okay."

and harry felt so out of his element, because he was never the one to speak this much or to comfort someone. he seemed to be the one who always needed comfort, not zayn or niall.

but either way, it felt right at the same time. he hestitantly placed his hand in louis' hair, the hair that he had wanted to touch forever.

"this is your fault," louis whimpered, and harry sighed in defeat when the boy lifted his hands up and pushed harry off of him.

"i know," he whispered. "i know."

"just leave me alone. stop freaking acting like we're friends, because we're not."

harry tried not to cry, especially when jay gave him an apologetic look.

"what is wrong with you?" harry asked, so quietly that he could barely hear himself.

"that's none of your business," louis snapped, storming towards him, but harry decided to run away and save himself from more hurtful words.

and he never let himself cry, even when he ran into a room with the two people he trusted the most. he just held it in.

"where's my water?" zayn asked. he was now sitting on the floor, phone in hand.

"sorry, i didn't get it," harry mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to swallow the huge lump in his throat. "uhm, is niall awake?"

"yeah, he just woke up a few minutes ago," zayn said skeptically, and the blonde boy popped his head from under his blankets.

"niall's awake!" he called, and harry forced a smile.

"hey h, what's wrong?" niall furrowed his eyebrows, the smile fading from his lips the minute a whimper escaped the curly boys lips.

"louis, he, i don't even know." harry stared at the ground, his voice cracking. niall and zayn both stood up and walked towards him, wrapping him in a tight bear hug that made him cry even harder.

"mate, i know you don't want to hear this, but you need to give up on him. he's got issues," zayn comforted, and harry could practically hear niall's glare.

"hey. that's my brother we're talking about."

"stepbrother," zayn corrected, and harry buried his face further into his chest.

and while his best friends said comforting words to him, all he could think about was the fact that louis did have a problem, a problem that needed medicine and help.

they finally let go of the teary-eyed boy, and zayn sat on the floor with a frown.

"i'm still thirsty," he complained, and harry immediately shot up.

"i'll get it."

"you know harry? you are so eager to help, it's odd," niall observed. the curly lad shrugged, going out the door of the hallway and praying that he wouldn't see a certain blue eyed boy in black skinny jeans and a tank top.

and his prayers were not answered, for the minute the passed the bathroom the door swung open and he ran straight into that boy.

"sorry!" he cried, backing away. louis' eyes were swollen and bloodshot, and when harry looked down at his hands he gasped.

there were white bandages wrapped around his wrists, but the worst part was the red color seeping through.

"louis," harry gasped, grabbing at his hands.

"don't touch me, okay? we don't even know each other, you're my little brother's creepy friend, so please just mind your own business and quit trying to run into me everywhere you go!" louis screamed. he literally screamed. his voice was so loud that harry had to step back in surprise, and he felt a pang in his chest at the cruelness in louis' tone.

"why did you-"

"why did i what harry?"

harry did notice the way that louis hid his hands behind his back, and he also noticed that he was shaking and his bottom lip was trembling.

"why would you hurt yourself?" harry whispered.

louis glared at him, tears falling from his eyes.

"i'm not hurting myself. i don't know what you're talking about. either way, you should leave me alone."

harry nodded, pushing past the older boy to walk down the stairs.

"i need to get zayn a glass of water," he said softly, his bare feet sinking into the white carpet of the stairs.

he froze when he finally poured the glass of water and he heard a sniff beside him.

"why did you follow me?" harry breathed, staring at the water sloshing in the glass.

"you look pretty when you cry," louis noted, and harry suddenly remembered that his eyes were probably all red and shiny and there was nothing he could do about it.

"no i don't," harry murmured, taking a sip of zayn's water and avoiding louis' intense stare.

"well then again, you look pretty all the time," louis continued, ignoring harry's incredulous look. "and i like when you smile. that's really nice too."

and harry didn't know what to say, because louis had just gone on a rant about how much he hated harry and now he was complimenting him.

"what's with your mood swings?" harry questioned, leaning up against the fridge.

"that's none of your business," louis replied, but harry could tell he wasn't as mad as before.

"well, the least you could do is tell me why you cut y-"

"don't ask me that, harry. please don't make me mad, i, i don't think i can handle that," louis said, looking at the curly boy with pleading eyes, and harry tilted his head.

"can you explain to me why that is?"

and he was still reeling over the fact that he was having a legitimate conversation with the one and only louis tomlinson, when first of all he never spoke and second louis looked really good when his hair was messed up.

"i can't tell you that harry," louis sighed, placing his head in his hands.

"are you bipolar, or-"

"no, i'm not bipolar."

harry groaned in frustration. that was the only answer he had to louis' crazy mood swings and it was already wrong.

he decided he was done talking. he had already said enough words for the day; he was already feeling unnatural.

"it's kinda hard, sometimes, when everyone thinks your crazy and your really not."

harry lifted his head and stared at louis, waiting for him to continue.

the older boy was standing there, eyes straight forward and arms wrapped around himself, and if they were in any other situation harry would've thought it was cute.

but right now he was looking for clues. he noticed the way louis fidgeted and frowned.

"where's my water harold?!"

the curly lad jumped at the loud voice yelling down the stairs, but smiled slightly when he realized it was zayn.

"coming!" harry called, glancing once more at the zoned out louis before walking away.

"wait!"

harry froze, slowly turning around to face the blue-eyed boy.

"what?"

louis stared at him for a second, and it had harry squirming under the heavy gaze of his eyes.

"never mind." louis looked away and shooed harry off with his hand.

"bye."

***


	5. five

harry walked into school monday morning fretting over his maths test and the fact that louis was walking next to him again.

he was also thanking the world because he had decided to wear his favorite cologne today, and he hoped louis noticed.

and it ended up happening. when they arrived at louis' locker, he felt something grab his hand. he looked down and saw that louis had wrapped his delicate fingers around his. he felt his breath catch and he lifted his head to look into louis' blue eyes.

"yeah?" he breathed out, but it was so quiet that harry was surprised louis could hear him.

"you smell really good today." louis smiled at the curly lad, and harry could feel his heart melt.

"thank you," he whispered.

and harry walked away to his locker, a blushing mess.

***

"remember to write your name, and you can use a calculator," mrs. lancaster, the maths teacher, called as she placed tests on everyone's desk.

harry cringed the minute the paper hit his desk. the numbers seemed to all blur together, and every formula he had ever learned retreated his mind.

"i freaking hate math," he mumbled, running a hand through his curls with a large sigh.

and since it was multiple choice, he went through and circled letters he thought looked right. when he finally finished, he slowly got up out of his seat and grudgingly handed his failed math test to mrs. lancaster. she gave him a suspicious look before pulling the pen out from behind her ear.

and harry didn't wait for her to grade it. he just stumbled back to his desk and sat down, laying his head on the cold metal of the desk.

he was almost asleep when he felt something shake his shoulder. "harry."

he shot his head up, blinking to the sudden change in light. "yeah?"

"harry, do you want a tutor? i highly recommend it." he cringed when mrs. lancaster gently placed the paper on his desk, and it was marked with a large, fat F.

"i guess? i mean, i could try harder, i guess, uhm yeah," harry sighed.

"well, i've already talked to liam payne about it, and he said he would."

harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. she already found him a tutor before she even asked him. but then who she said would tutor him finally processed through his mind, and he felt his heart jump.

"so liam's my tutor?" he tried to contain his excitement. he could learn more about louis from liam.

"yep! i really think he can help you." she patted him on the shoulder, and harry stared at his maths test with a frown.

***

"okay! get your book out!"

harry grunted as he pulled his large maths book out of his backpack and slammed it on the table in front of a smiling liam.

"aren't you excited?" liam grinned, slapping his hand on harry's book before pulling it open.

"yeah." harry forced a smile and met eyes with liam. his hair was curly, not as much as his, and it was a caramel color. it was styled in a fringe across his forehead. his eyes were dark, chocolate brown, and warm. harry automatically liked him, but that didn't make him any happier.

and so for the next three hours, harry tried to pay attention while liam went over every problem with him carefully. it was much easier, because liam was a better teacher than mrs. lancaster.

"can we be done?" harry groaned after they had completed another page full of notes.

"i guess," liam sighed, slamming the book shut and reaching over to ruffle harry's curls.

"see harry? you're smart, you just learn differently."

harry smiled gratefully at the older boy. he could see why louis was friends with him.

"so, we have about thirty more minutes until we're supposed to be done. so what do you want to do?"

"you want pizza?" harry offered, stuffing all of his books in his backpack and zipping it up.

"sure!" liam beamed, standing up out of his chair and stretching. so harry got up and walked to the kitchen, where the phone was. after he had found the number in the phone book, he ordered a cheese pizza, watching as liam sat on the counter next to him.

"ten minutes? okay, thanks," harry said quietly into the phone before hanging up.

"so do you know my friend louis?" liam asked curiously, and harry felt his heart stop for a second.

"uhm yeah." he cleared his throat.

"do you like him?"

"what?! no, no i don't like him! why would you think that?" harry blushed.

"well, i meant as a friend, but now i can tell it's something more," liam grinned, jumping off the counter and walking closer to him. "how long have you liked him?"

harry didn't think his cheeks could get any redder, and he looked everywhere but liam.

"harry, it's okay," liam said, placing a hand on the curly boy's shoulder. "i think louis kinda, well. i know he's interested in you."

harry shot his head up, a smile beginning to form on his lips. "what do you mean he's interested?" he tried his best to sound casual.

"well, he's talked about you a few times," liam looked like he had said too much, and a guilty look crossed his face.

but harry didn't care. "what'd he say?" he rushed, grabbing liam's wrist and trying not to jump up and down.

"he said that you always smile, and it frustrates him because, he has this condition.." liam trailed off before slapping a hand over his mouth. "i was not supposed to say that."

"what!?" harry scoffed. "now you have to tell me."

liam just shook his head, and harry let out an exasperated sigh.

"he's interested in you, okay? that's all you need to know," liam groaned. he seemed torn between whether or not he should tell the younger boy.

and just as harry opened his mouth, the doorbell rang.

"that's the pizza," he muttered, dropping liam's wrist and digging for his wallet as he ran to the door.

"that'll be thirteen dollars," the pizza guy mumbled, handing harry the box, and harry paid him quickly before rushing back into the kitchen with the pizza.

"that smells so good," liam sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds. harry smiled at him and opened the box on the counter. he grabbed a piece and bit the tip off, moaning a bit at the amazing taste.

"you know i gotta go in about ten minutes," liam frowned, chewing his pizza.

"you wanna, maybe, sleepover?" harry asked shyly.

"it's monday," liam bit his lip, as if deep in thought. "but okay."

harry immediately dug through his mind for the best questions to ask the senior boy.

"can you please tell me why louis takes medication?" was finally the question he decided on.

liam's eyes widened and the pizza fell out of his hand.

"how did you know he took medication?" he asked, his voice lowered although there wasn't anyone else there.

"i saw him. and he wouldn't tell me what was wrong with him." harry bit his lip and stared at the ground.

"well, i can't tell you. maybe we can invite him over and he might tell you if i'm here," liam suggested.

"you'll have to invite him and say it was your idea," harry replied, looking at his half eaten pizza.

"'course. he's my best friend, it doesn't matter."

and harry tried to ignore the jealousy burning in his heart.

***

the pizza was halfway done when the doorbell finally rang.

"probably mum, or louis," harry mumbled, but jumped when his phone buzzed. it was a text from his mum.

coming home really late tonight, like two a.m. took a late night shift at the gas station.

harry wasn't trying to smile, he really wasn't, but louis, him, and liam were going to have the whole house to themselves tonight.

"aren't you going to answer the door?" liam raised an eyebrow at the grinning curly lad, who blinked a bit and ran to the door.

"sorry, i was la-" harry began as he opened the door, but immediately stopped when he saw louis.

he was wearing a grey beanie over his messy, sideswept hair and his normal apparel. but the different thing was the prominent smile on the blue eyed boy's face.

"hi, harry."

harry almost lost his balance right there. louis' voice was raspy and low, a husky tone that proved that louis was, in fact, sex on legs.

"hi louis," he said sheepishly, opening the door wider so the shorter boy could walk in.

harry bent his knees a bit so he wasn't towering over the boy.

louis gave him a questioning look, and harry shivered when their shoulders brushed.

"louis' here!" harry called out, leading louis into the kitchen.

liam was biting into yet another piece of pizza, which made harry roll his eyes.

"ooh, pizza!" louis cried, in a childish tone that caused harry to smile fondly at him.

"have as much as you want," liam offered.

"hey! i'm in charge of the pizza here!" harry teased, laughing. and then louis laughed too, and then they were all laughing for no reason.

harry about died from stomach pains when louis took the rest of the half of the pizza in his hands and pressed it into his face.

"i'm hungry!" the doncaster lad groaned, and when he pulled the pizza away, his face was covered in sauce and cheese.

"oh my gosh, louis," harry giggled, rushing to get him some paper towels.

this is the louis i have a crush on, harry thought, then shook the mean words from his head. he liked all of louis, whether he had problems or not.

louis gratefully took the paper towels and wiped the red sauce off of his face, which harry thought was quite beautiful, especially because he was smiling.

and when louis ruffled harry's curls, liam looked surprised, but harry couldn't breathe.

***

everything was going perfect until harry hugged louis.

and no, he didn't do it out of random. louis and him had teamed up against liam on capture the flag when they were playing xbox, and they had one. so harry, being excited and also being totally in love with louis at the moment, decided to jump out of his seat and pull a cheering louis into a hug.

louis immediately froze, pushing the giggling curly boy away from him.

harry braced himself, knowing what was coming. liam stood up and pulled louis away just as louis had growled, "don't you dare touch me like that."

"louis, it's okay," liam said calmly, holding louis' wrists and staring into his icy blue eyes.

was it wrong that harry wished that he was liam? the one who knew him so well that he could calm him down and touch him and call him his best friend.

but he just sat on the couch awkwardly and tried to ignore louis' evil glares.

"he acts like we're friends, we're not," louis huffed to liam, his warm eyes now mean.

liam frowned, and harry could tell he felt guilty when he said, "i know. i know he's not."

"finally. someone who understands. he's the most annoying little twat i've ever spoken to," he whispered, but his bottom lip was trembling and he looked torn.

"and he keeps freaking smiling!" he shouted, making both of the other boys jump.

but the fact that louis said that, despite his mean words before, made harry smile.

his heart was hurting, but when someone tells you not to smile, it's kind of impossible to listen.

so he sat there smiling but he was also crying and everything felt so messed up because louis was laughing and liam was looking between them and it was so confusing that harry didn't know what to think.

it seemed his smile was the only thing that could save him.

***


	6. six

"harry. harry wake up, i'm cold."

harry sat up, blinking a bit when he realized louis was hovering over him, his hair blowing from the fan behind them.

"what?" he asked groggily, looking at the clock, and it read two in the morning.

"i'm cold. why do you keep a fan on?"

harry frowned at him sympathetically, as he was only wearing a tanktop and boxers. it reminded him of when they were going to bed.

louis had slid his pants down his legs, his short tan legs, and harry had blushed, unable to look away.

"i can't sleep without the fan," harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. louis rolled his eyes, his eyes that were glowing light blue in the dark room. the only way he could see was the moonlight shining through his open window.

they both stopped talking when liam, who was sleeping on the floor, shot up in bed.

"give, give it back," he slurred, running his hands all over the floor. "i don't want it, give it to mum," he said, his voice getting louder. harry raised an eyebrow at him, before looking at louis. 

"he talks in his sleep," louis explained, before looking back at liam.

"where is it where is it where is it," liam blubbered, before falling back into bed and emitting loud snores.

and then louis and harry met eyes, smiles on both of their faces, before they burst into laughter while trying to stay quiet at the same time.

"i'm still cold," louis snickered, still trying to calm himself.

"oh my gosh, fine, just close your eyes," harry whispered, trying not wake liam up.

louis complied, and harry threw his covers off his legs and got out of bed, and the air on his lower regions felt quite weird.

"are you still closing your eyes?" he asked nervously.

"no," louis laughed, and harry whipped around. "your bum is quite cute."

harry could feel his cheeks burning. "stop looking!" he whined, before quickly grabbing a large grey sweatshirt and hurling it at the older boy as hard as he could.

"ow!" louis said loudly, and harry's eyes widened.

"shh! liam's still sleeping!"

"don't worry. he won't wake up. he's practically dead right now."

harry rolled his eyes and hopped into his bed, immediately covering himself in blankets, and then louis was slipping his sweatshirt over his head.

when it was finally on, harry couldn't help but smile like a fool, because louis was wearing his oversized sweatshirt and it looked adorable.

"there. now go to bed," harry grinned, biting his lip and trying to hide the fact that his heart was beating a million beats per minute.

"don't tell me what to do."

harry cringed, preparing himself for louis' next mood swing and feeling overwhelming sadness at the fact that their perfect moment was going to be ruined.

"i didn't tell you what to do, i just-"

"yes, you did."

"okay, just stop being mean!" and harry's voice came out louder than expected, so loud that even liam woke up.

"what are you guys doing?" he breathed, yawning.

"i'm not being mean! just, i-" louis' voice cracked, and he looked troubled and mad at himself.

"smile."

harry looked at him questioningly.

"wha-"

"i can't do this," louis groaned, slapping himself in the forehead.

"louis, just take a deep breath. let yourself think," liam said calmly from behind harry.

surprisingly, louis listened, taking a deep breath through his nose and closing his eyes, and harry thought he looked beautiful.

"this is so hard," he whispered, and harry was confused as to who he was talking to.

"what's so hard?" he asked curiously, blinking as a few of his messy curls fell in his face.

louis' eyes widened and he looked at liam, actual fear in his eyes.

"you have to tell me," harry begged. "you don't even realize how hard this is for me. you keep being nice to me and then acting like you hate my guts."

"did i not tell you to stay out of my business? do you still think we're friends?"

"well, yeah, kinda," harry admitted, biting his lip in embarrassment.

"why?" and louis actually sound curious and confused about the fact that harry thought of him as a friend.

"because i like you, and you're sometimes nice to me."

and harry hoped he didn't imagine the tiny little smile that ghosted across louis' lips.

but then he was frowning again. "key word. sometimes."

***

liam had practically pulled louis out of harry's house when they finally got up in the morning. apparently it took the blue eyed boy forever to get ready for school, and harry didn't understand as he wore the same thing every day and fixed his hair the same.

harry, however, was standing in front of the mirror and trying to tame the mess that was his curls. his eyes were bleary and tired from lack of sleep and his lips were a deep shade of red due to the fact that he was constantly biting them.

and there was only one thing on his mind.

no, it wasn't louis, because he had sworn off louis from his mind the minute louis had layed back down in bed and fell asleep.

so currently, he was thinking about the fact that his hands were shaking and he felt like crying but he wasn't letting himself think about the thing he wants to think about.

it was confusing, but yeah.

"harry! i'm here!"

harry made himself smile in the mirror once more before walking over to where zayn was standing in the doorway. 

"whoa, mate. you look.."

"what? fat? pathetic? ugly?"

"rough." zayn frowned at the curly boy, holding his arms out for a hug. "c'mon. give uncle zaynie a hug."

harry didn't roll his eyes, just fell into zayn's arms with a sob, his arms pressed to his sides and his body hunched.

"what did he do this time?" zayn sighed, holding harry tightly to him and placing his hand in his curls.

harry shrugged, unable to speak without bursting into tears.

"c'mon. let's go to school so nialler can cheer you up," zayn comforted, moving harry so his arm was wrapped around his shoulders.

harry sniffed, embarrassed as he let zayn lead him to his car.

***

"i am going to kill him. i made him swear he would be nice to you before you went over," niall growled, glaring at louis, who was tiredly pulling books out of his locker. harry watched him longingly, his heart hurting.

"he was being nice," harry defended him. "there were only a few times he was being mean, the rest, well, i don't know." he frowned, watching the way louis swept his bangs across his forehead and bit his lip, and he blushed.

"hey harry? can you keep a secret?"

harry perked up, looking at niall and nodding.

"louis has a problem. he can't control it. but that's all jay told me. she said not to take it personally if he was mean to me. but she didn't tell me what the problem was."

"but he isn't mean to you. or liam. just me."

"that's because he doesn't know you that well. i think," niall sighed. "it's so frustrating to not know anything."

harry nodded in agreement, following louis with his eyes as the older boy walked to his classroom.

"you think he can change?" harry asked quietly, but when he turned his head niall was gone. 

***

"louis wants to know if you want to go to his party on friday," liam said at their next tutor session at hary's kitchen table.

"what?" harry asked in disbelief, shaking the curls out of his eyes.

"i know. you don't have to, and i'll understand if you don't want to. louis was kinda being a jerk last night, and i shouldn't be making excuses for him, but he's trying to be nice. he just can't."

"you know, i would be more understanding if you could tell me why that was," harry said flatly, writing down the next math problem slowly and neatly on his notebook paper.

"harry, i just can't tell you," liam groaned, putting his face in his hands. "and i want to tell you so bad."

"it can't be so bad that nobody but you and jay can know. i'm a good person! i'll understand! i swear it! if he has a disease, that's okay. it's not his fault."

 

"i'm not the one who doesn't think anyone should know. i would love to tell you. but louis doesn't want anyone to know. if he were to tell somebody else, it would probably be niall, because he's beginning to trust him."

"so it's about trust," harry clarified.

"i guess, yeah. so do you want to go to the party?"

"you're trying to change the subject." the curly boy narrowed his eyes.

liam held his hands up in surrender. "i just wanted to know."

"okay, fine. i'll go," harry sighed, pulling his calculator towards him and beginning to solve the problem.

"good. now do you understand this?" liam asked, leaning in to see what harry had written. "good job. you're actually doing really well."

harry smiled, proud. he had already gotten a c on his last test, instead of his usual f.

"thanks so much for this, liam," harry said sincerely, closing his math book once he had finished his problem.

"hey. i like tutoring you. you're quiet and sensible and i like that. some people i tutor won't stop speaking and distracting themselves from their work."

"i don't know. i'm usually quiet, but with louis.. i don't know." harry bit his lip.

liam rolled his eyes. "louis makes everyone like that. he's extremely loud and cheeky, and it seems to rub off on people."

and harry couldn't help but smile fondly as images of louis laughing and joking flashed through his mind, reminding him that he really did like louis. a lot.

"stop smiling like that. it's gross," liam teased, reaching over and ruffling harry's curls.

harry giggled and looked at the table, his cheeks burning.

"are you guys having fun without me?"

both liam and harry jumped as the voice reached both their ears.

"niall!" harry grinned, while liam yelled, "louis!"

"hey boys," niall said in a girly voice, leaning up against the wall dramatically. "niall's here."

"so is louis!" louis yelled, strutting up from behind the posing blonde boy.

"how did you guys get in here?" harry smiled, scooting his chair back so he could get up.

"we let ourselves in, duh," louis said rolling his eyes, and harry suddenly couldn't breathe when the older boy went up to him and patted his cheek.

"how you doing haz?" he asked, his voice lowered and his eyes more vibrant than ever.

harry about choked on air.

"good," he finally responded, wanting louis to stop standing so close to him but at the same time hoping he would come even closer.

"sorry about last night."

harry's eyes widened. louis had never apologised before for being mean to harry.

"it's, it's okay," he stuttered, shuffling his feet and trying to make himself short, because louis was so small, so freaking small that his head reached harry's chest.

harry wondered why he was so terrified of louis sometimes, as he was so tiny.

well, his sass and personality made up for it.

"do you want a drink?" harry asked, remembering his manners as he stepped towards the cupboards.

"yeah, i do!" niall called, looking over from where he was talking to liam.

"you want beer?" harry winked, and niall laughed, and he blushed when he heard louis mumble, "you're charming."

"mountain dew," the blonde boy finally requested.

"what do you want?" harry asked louis, opening the fridge.

"you."

harry froze, staring straight ahead as the word replayed over and over in his head.

"i'd like a coke," louis said softly, and harry realized that he was now right behind him, his chin on the younger boy's shoulder.

"okay," he breathed, reaching his hand in and pulling out the two sodas. niall immediately grabbed his, shaking it up like an idiot. harry wanted to tell him to stop, as when he opened it, it would spill over, but he couldn't speak at the moment.

he handed louis his coke, and was about to run to the bathroom and scream into a towel when louis grabbed his hand.

"you have big hands," he commented, smiling.

harry just gulped and nodded.

and then he was comparing the size, and harry felt himself smile fondly when he realized that louis' fingers were extremely small and delicate.

"do you want your sweatshirt back?" louis asked randomly, pulling his hand away to open his coke, and harry tried not to stand there foolishly and shook himself out of his trance.

"no, it's fine. you can keep it," he responded.

"good. because i was gonna keep it anyway," louis grinned.

harry smiled, but then he jumped back when louis' can was finally opened and coke began to run over the edges.

"oh my god! you shook this up!" louis accused, holding the coke away from his body.

"no i didnt'!" harry defended, eyeing niall's can and wishing that it was the can that this was happening to.

"why you have to ruin everything!" louis spit, slamming the can on the counter and storming out of the room.

and harry just stood there, staring at the spot where louis had earlier been holding his hand.

***


	7. seven

harry was extremely nervous for the party. he was so nervous, in fact, that all he could do was stand in zayn's full length mirror and watch his shaking, sweaty hands.

"are you going in that harry?" harry watched as zayn appeared behind him, sporting a black band t-shirt and black skinny jeans along with his red high tops.

harry looked at his outfit. he was wearing his pajamas, literally.

when he had got home, after taking tests all day, he had stripped out of all his clothes and thrown on a pair of plaid pajama pants and a light blue t-shirt.

"no." he responded, looking at zayn hopefully. "i was wondering if i could wear something of yours?"

zayn sighed. "you look like the white v-neck and black skinnies kind of guy."

harry just watched him quietly as he dug through his closet, throwing outfit after outfit into a pile on his bed. 

"here. i never wear this, so it's clean and nice and yeah."

harry gave him a grateful smile, taking the clothes into the bathroom attached to zayn's small room.

and when he had finally pulled the clothes on, he couldn't help but smile. zayn had styled his hair into a quiff, a look he thought only the bradford boy could pull off. and white actually looked really good on him, as zayn said.

"harry! i have shoes for you to wear!" zayn called, and harry stepped out of the bathroom before frowning sadly at his black converse.

"i thought i was gonna wear-"

"no. you wear those things every day. try these." harry flinched as zayn threw the shoes at him, lifting them up to see a pair of faded brown boots.

"boots?" he scrunched his nose up.

"yes, boots. my mum bought them for me but they will look better on you," zayn smirked, looking harry up and down. "speaking of that, i can't wait until louis sees you. if i was gay, i'd think you were hot."

harry smiled. "thanks."

"well, let's go to the party!" zayn cheered, wrapping his arm around the curly lad and leading him out of the house and into his beat up blue car.

***

the party was more crowded than harry expected.

and that was not a good thing, no, it wasn't.

zayn just came along because harry begged him to. zayn was more into small get togethers with a few people.

when they walked into the hot, humid room that was louis and niall's house, harry immediately cringed at the smell of alcohol.

he felt disappointed when he saw louis holding a red solo cup in his hands, laughing along with a few girls that harry was immediately jealous of.

"oh my gosh, i did not know perrie edwards was here!" zayn said excitedly, shaking harry's shoulder. the curly boy looked up at zayn questioningly. "harry, please let me go talk to her, please! i swear it'll only be an hour of so."

harry nodded, rolling his eyes, and then zayn was gone, and he was alone in a room full of people bigger and more confident than him. so he cowered down, although he was quite taller than most of them, and slowly made his way to the drink table.

thankfully, there were water bottles there and he immediately grabbed one, holding it against his flushed face.

"you look hot."

harry jumped, pulling the water bottle off of his face and whipping around to see louis tomlinson.

he was wearing his usual tanktop, but his hair was sweaty and messy and his eyes were a sparkling blue and there was a goofy smile on his face.

harry blushed at louis' compliment, staring at his boots that he had already grown to like.

"why don't you always wear that. i mean, you don't even look hot. you look beauti-"

"hey! louis, you know someone is in your bed right now?"

never had harry been so mad at niall in his life. he sent him a glare that probably made him look constipated, but he didn't care.

louis almost called him beautiful.

and now his heart was melting and his hands were shaking and he couldn't stop smiling.

"who. i want to know who the heck is sleeping in my bed." louis was grinning though, and it confused harry a bit.

"it's taylor and ed," niall laughed, punching louis' shoulder.

"oh my god. i knew it," louis said, his mouth wide open, and harry giggled.

"what. you think that's funny?" louis teased, looking at harry and smiling, a bright eye-crinkling smile, and harry never wanted him to stop.

"no," harry lied, watching as amusement flickered in louis' blue eyes.

"you're a terrible actor harry, i swear," louis laughed. and then he reached over and start massaging his hands through his curls. "i love your hair. so curly."

harry didn't think his cheeks could get any redder, especially when louis took one of his hands out of his hair and put it on his waist and pulling him so they were hip to hip.

"'s not that curly," harry mumbled. he was flustered and he couldn't think of anything to say.

"yes, it is. and soft."

harry was practically purring, putting his head on louis' shoulder as he pulled his fingers through his curls.

"uh, what are you doing?"

harry finally realized how ridiculous they probably looked when niall's voice pulled him out of his trance.

"feeling harry's curls, you wanna make something of it?"

harry tried to pull his head off of louis' shoulder, but smiled widely against it when louis held him down.

"it's okay, harold, don't listen to him."

"are you drunk?" niall laughed from beside them.

"no! i've only had a sip," louis defended, chuckling.

"well let the poor boy go. look at him. he's miserable."

harry wanted to shake his head and say no, he wasn't miserable, he was enjoying himself.

but louis gently pulled him away and tugged his hands through his hair once more before laying his arms at his sides.

"that was fun."

and all harry could do was nod and replay the moment in his head so he would never forget it.

"harry! come with me!" niall cried, grabbing the curly lad's wrist and tugging him away from louis.

"what the was that?" niall whispered loudly when they had finally got far from the doncaster boy.

"i don't know," harry breathed, his heart racing.

"i'm sorry, but louis needs to decide whether he likes you or not. because he can't keep leading you on and then breaking your heart. because even though he is my brother, i don't want to see you get hurt."

harry just nodded, his mood dimmed a bit at the reminder that louis was only nice sometimes.

"i wish i knew what was wrong with him," he said quietly.

"i wish that all the time, trust me," niall replied, wiping a few sweaty strands of blonde hair off his forehead.

***

harry spent the next hour of the party making small talk with niall and watching louis. he could also see zayn and perrie kissing, which he guessed was a good thing.

louis' bright smile never seemed to leave his face, which harry admired about him. harry seemed to always have to force smiles.

he also loved the way that louis was drinking, but he only had a few sips the whole hour. he hated when people got drunk. because what was the point of going to the party if you weren't even going to be fully aware the whole time?

it seemed the doncaster boy finally realized that harry was staring at him, as they made eye contact in an intense way that made harry's hands shake.

niall was still speaking as this happened, talking about a football game that harry honestly couldn't care less about, and he didn't seem to notice that harry was dying on the inside.

louis' eyes were brighter than ever, a energized, beautiful smile on his wet, dark red lips.

harry wished that he could get a picture of this exact louis and stare at it forever.

to his surprise and horror, louis started to walk towards him, throwing his cup away in a nearby trash can on the way there.

"louis' coming over here," harry whispered, his eyes widening as he turned and looked at niall.

"if he's mean to you i'm taking you away from him," niall warned, touching harry's shoulder in a comforting way.

"why're you staring at me?" louis asked when he finally reached the two nervous boys.

"i-i don't know what you're talking about," harry stuttered, avoiding louis' eyes.

"c'mon love, we all know you were," louis teased, but harry had stopped breathing at the word love.

"hey! leave him alone!" niall said defensively, standing in front of harry.

"i wasn't being mean, i was just-"

"look. me and harry are freaking tired of your games. either be nice to him or not, but stop treating him like a punching bag."

"i was kidding," louis said quietly, hurt shining clearly in his eyes.

"okay, maybe not this time, but every other time," niall clarified, and harry wanted to defend louis, but honestly he agreed with the blonde boy.

so he just stood there like a coward behind his best friend.

"niall, you know it's not my fault, i-"

"no. i don't care if you have some 'mental disease' or whatever, harry has cried and worried because of you, and i'm tired of it."

harry appreciated what niall said, but that was a bit embarrassing. so he cowered farther away from the boys.

"niall, i know. don't you think i freaking hate myself every day for it? i don't want to be mean, it's just..." louis trailed off when he realized that people had stopped talking and started listening in on their conversation. "will you please mind your own business?" he sassed, putting a hand on his hip and narrowing his eyes at the curious teenagers.

harry finally built up enough courage to step in. he nervously walked forward and grabbed louis' wrist, dragging him into a nearby bathroom and shutting the door behind them.

"i deserve an answer," he said quietly, his voice shaking.

"i know, i just can't. you don't realize how hard it is right now for me to,"

"for you to what? stay calm and not turn into a jerk who i know isn't you?"

"yeah," louis muttered, looking at his hands, and harry could see his bottom lip trembling. "i'm so sorry," he whispered.

"i would understand if you would just tell me. i know you're taking medication for it," harry said hesitantly, reaching out to touch louis' arm.

"the medication i'm taking isn't for it. it's over the counter, i can buy it at any drug store," louis replied.

"so basically you're abusing drugs?" harry accused, his stomach churning.

louis didn't answer, just took in a shaky breath and leaned slowly against the bathroom sink.

"i can't believe this." harry ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply. "so now will you tell me what you have?"

louis' eyes widened and he looked at the younger boy, before shaking his head slightly.

"you were born with it, louis. do you honestly think i'll blame it on you?" harry stepped closer to the blue eyed boy, who flinched away.

"don't touch me," he said, his voice scarily calm.

"i'm not trying to hurt you," harry whispered, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"don't you dare freaking touch me," louis repeated, shoving harry away. harry held in a gasp, and then an idea came to his mind.

smile.

so he gave a nervous, hesitant smile, closed mouth, but wide enough that his dimple was showing. and when louis met harry's eyes, at first the doncaster lad looked confused, but then he started smiling back.

it worked. harry thought, and he was so relieved that he couldn't help but let out a little laugh.

"thank you," louis breathed.

"for what?" harry asked.

"you smiled."

***


End file.
